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My Spiritual Self-Help Guide


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Are You Waiting for Someone Else to Make You Happy?

Why It Won't Work - Look Inside Yourself First

Happy times, 2 happy girls on a nature walk

They Won't Make You Happy!

Are you waiting for the other people in your life to make you happy? Or is there a huge gap in your life that you are waiting for someone to fill? If you are constantly expressing your dissatisfaction and general discontent with life; if you are blaming your unhappiness on anyone around you, then you have a problem. Happiness is a state of mind and comes from nowhere except inside yourself. If you are waiting for others to make you happy, you could be waiting a very long time.

Unsatisfying Relationships

Many of us are dissatisfied with our most important relationships. We moan and gripe about our partners and kids, and our relatives and friends. We resent the things that we have to do for them... their taking us for granted... and their awful habits that we have to put up with. And these are the people that we are supposed to love!

Training Our Loved Ones

In many of our relationships, we try to train people to be what we want. How do we do it? By acting in ways that make it uncomfortable for them when they don't do what pleases us. We let them know how upset we are with their lack of consideration by kicking up a fuss, showing our hurt, throwing a toddler tantrum or simply cutting contact. The other person learns that when they do this, we will make their life difficult. As nobody wants to feel uncomfortable, they stop doing whatever it is that hurts us... or they continue to do it but hide it from us. In either case, the price to pay is usually a huge build up of resentment.

Conditional Love

It is easy to love someone when they are fulfilling our wishes but this is not real love. Unconditional love is a love that wants someone to be happy independently of what we want from them. If we are more concerned with getting our own needs met from the situation then this is conditional love. Buddhists would call this "attachment". Often, we may try to fool ourselves that what we want is in their own best interests, for example, when we won't let our children out after dark to keep them safe. However, if we examine our motives, we can usually trace this to our own fears of how we will cope if something we do not want happens.

When someone is not doing as we wish, or our needs are not being met, we find ourselves unhappy, unpeaceful and harbouring resentment or attack thoughts. We blame and criticise. We attack and fight back. We justify our actions, however terrible they may be. And let's face it, we want them to suffer because, after all, they are making us suffer.

Whose Wishes Are Most Important?

Basically, when this happens, we are making our own wishes more important than theirs. We are putting ourselves first and almost manipulating or bullying them into compliance. Whilst we must all have some boundaries and limitations on the treatment that we will accept from other people, we should not try to stop them being and doing the things that make them happy. Everyone is entitled to live their life as they please within certain boundaries and we cannot expect to be the centre of the universe the whole time.

Finding Happiness

So we can't expect others to make us happy, it simply won't work. Happiness doesn't come from anything external. Happiness comes from your own state of mind. You are happy when you make the choice to be happy despite your external circumstances. If you are not happy, and you believe this to be caused by others, then you must examine your reactions to issues and problems and the beliefs which are making you unhappy. You can't expect other people to change to suit you - you can only change yourself and accept others as they are. When you focus on the positives of your life and relationships with other people, rather than the negatives then it all starts to change. Relationships either start to improve or break away. You feel happy... and that happiness comes from within, not from something or somebody outside of yourself.





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More Happiness Articles

• Happiness is a State of Mind. Don't believe me? Read this... • How to Change Your Life from the Inside Out • Here is the Only Way to Find Permanent Peace and Lasting Happiness • How to Find Happiness - Stop Looking in the Wrong Places • Stop Waiting for Someone Else to Make You Happy • Find Happiness by Loving Yourself Squarely in the Eye • Meditation Can Change Your Life • How to Stop Emotional Pain, Hurt and Suffering • Dealing with Difficult People - Using Assertiveness in Your Communication with Others • Manifesting your Desires - Bringing the Stuff of Dreams into Reality • Can't Sleep? Can't Relax? Break Out of the Vicious Circle of Poor Quality Sleep • Unconditional Love versus Attachment - Getting to the Root of the Problems in our Relationships